Every New Year’s Eve is filled with hope and expectations for the coming year. Last year I was about 4 months pregnant and my belly was lovingly rubbed and hugged by friends all evening. I knew that despite anything else 2010 would be the most unforgettable year of my life simply because my first child would be born.
This year our baby is here and there is still hope and expectations, but mostly I’m asking for strength because that’s what I need right now, in the beginning of 2011. I need strength to go back to work in less than 48 hours and be the teacher, wife and mother that I want to be. Of course, that’s a loaded statement and plenty of people will say, perhaps your expectations are too high and you should adjust them after you figure out what is achievable. Certainly, I plan to do just that.
But I’m talking about expectations such as being the kind of teacher that I know I am: one who greets students warmly, makes the classroom feel like a safe extension from home, and teaches to the learning need of each child. And Dear God, I really want to be nice after a night of interrupted sleep.
I need strength as a wife while my husband continues this new adventure of opening his own business. I need to learn how to budget and be patient. I need to appreciate that my job helps the family by giving us excellent health insurance. And please give me the strength to say less sarcastic, critical statement. They fly out of my mouth with frustration but that leave a blanket of defeat over the ego.
And coming to grips with how I want to mother is going to be the hardest adjustment for 2011. I want to hug and soothe my baby when he gets startled by a loud noise or hurt from further exploring his body’s movements. I want to watch his accomplishments as a growing, developing person and marvel in the pure brilliance of how someone goes from laying around like a lump to a moving, thinking creature. I want to hold him if he feels the need for a snuggle and let him roam if he wants to explore.
So, have we all realized that I haven’t even broached how I’d like to be as a friend, sister, daughter, and…for MYSELF? Those three areas are overwhelming me with how to fit them into 24 hours as it is. And that’s why I ask for strength in Two Thousand Eleven.