Will I Have Anxiety Over You Forever??!!

Dear Precious B.B.,

Here are some of the things that I’ve worried about already.  Early on, when I was not feeling nauseous I was worried that you were “gone.”  That would be before I became deathly ill all the time.
Then, I got a pretty big belly bump pretty quickly; considering a lot of women at 15 weeks still are not showing.  Well, then I went to our friend’s wedding and danced.  A lot.  Espcially enthusiastically to Footloose.  (I think there were quite a few pictures snapped, hopefully I can put one in your baby book.)  Since that Halloween wedding my belly bump has actually gotten smaller!  Whoever heard of a pregnant woman getting <em>smaller </em>as she gets further into her pregnancy??  No one, that’s who.  Or, no one that I’ve spoken to anyway.  Your Auntie Sarah thinks it’s just from my organs shifting.  Ok (gross), but I’ve still never witnessed that happening to anyone else.  I tried to rationalize the fact that I was fairly immobile for a couple of months due to nauseau and fatigue, so maybe I gained a bunch of weight, and now that I feel better my fat is tightening up again.  I guess.
But, I’m still not sure if I <em>feel </em>you and I so want to!  I know I’m only supposed to feel “flutters” at this point and I <em>think </em>I’ve felt you…but it’s in such random places that I’m not sure!  I mean, not random, like my toe or my elbow, but sometimes I feel movements low, sometimes on the side and sometimes up high on my bump.  Am I getting excited about gas bubbles??  It probably won’t be the first time…I know when you smile as an infant I will deny that it is gas bubbles then too.
Now, on top of all of this anxiety I have developed respiratory issues and a fuzzy head, possibly a fever.  Hopefully this H1N1 flu will be old news before you are old enough to know what it is, but I’m a little freaked about it and those are the tell-tale symptoms.  Outcomes are not good for pregnant ladies.  Be strong, B.B.!!  I’m loading up on the vitamin C &amp; D.
On that note, I will head to bed.  I imagine that motherhood is full of anxiety.  I may need a prescription by the time you are out of diapers.  Does my mom still worry about me?  I think she does.  Maybe I should call her more frequently just to let her know I’m ok.  I wish you could call me and let me know you’re ok!  How about a kick??  …..wow.  Interestingly enough I just felt one of those weird up-high movements.  You or the gas just responded to my wish.
Love you, B.B.  Good night, and please kick me and make my belly fat again.  I think it will make me worry less.

xoxo, Mama B.


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